Sliding Doors

I used to wonder what my life would be like if I stayed in Seattle or settled for the job offer I got in LA. Now that I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing, it's hard to imagine being anywhere but here. It's a scary thought to think that I will be here for at least another year.

I've come to be known as a [nomad] to my past collegues. I guess its the constant job changes or the fact that I can't seem to stay in one for very long. Sounds about right to those that know me. Even with the new job, I'm already thinkin about my next step.

Speaking about my new job, things have been improving ever so slightly. It's hard not to goof at work and the people there are still clique-ish. In a way, it feels like I just transfered to a new high school and I'm the odd one out. [haha, I bet you guys are telling me to "oh, cry me a river..."]

Sometimes I wonder "what would've happened if I had returned to Batey and stuck it through to the one year mark?" or "what if I stayed at Leo Burnett despite having a shitty boss?". I think I would pick the latter than the former. I'm constantly surprised in Taiwan -- the LB crew surprised me the most by being down-to-earth and brutally honest. At my new job, whenever I mention my short stint at LB, I smile and laugh naturally and no one believes that LB is really that great. [its only cuz XXX sucks!] *the 'xxx'is to protect myself just in case people at 'xxx' read this blog =P

[to be continued...]

Waiting...

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Let it be something amazing or shitty, some good will come of it. That's some optimistic words for someone that's in deep shit right now. [chuckle chuckle]

I made a leap into unfamiliar territory and so far, it's kicking my ass. I often feel lost and alone -- something that I haven't felt for a very long time. Sure, it's only been 2 weeks... 2 of the most stressful and frustrating weeks of my professional career. I now have chronic headaches, bad posture and zero appetite. I admit, I've thought about leaving and being 'happy' again. [Happy] -- at this moment, I've forgotten what it feels like.

Sure, I might sound overly dramatic, but if you were in my shoes right now, you would feel guilt, stress, frustration, even powerless. There's only one person that has confidence in me. She sees the potential that I don't think exists. She believes that I can overcome my insecurities and grow. That person is my new boss.

I've had numerous chats with her already about not adapting well into the new environment and the long road ahead. "It takes time. I know you're frustrated. You're giving yourself too much pressure. Remember, you're still new..." were her responses.

I'm not sure how long I can last [especially after today's screw up]. I do want to stay and fight the good fight [office politics], but I don't know how much longer my mind and body can take it.

[I want to believe... ]

Janet recommended a 'counselor' to go and talk to about my conflicts. I think it's a great idea. I'm going to try to book a session this weekend... [Waiting for that something good to happen....]