Voices

No, I am not hearing voices in my head--at least not now anyway.

I've been helping a co-worker edit his college application and 1 recommendation letter turned into 3, plus, he asked if I could revise his friend's application as well. I've become the English Bitch at work. Damn! (don't worry, I'm being paid)

Anyhoo, his friend called me earlier and he has a pretty nice voice! I'm looking at his resume and his current job is a DJ--go figure~ I wonder if he's cute. hMmmm. Oh snap, I know where he lives---scary...

Last week, Amanda and I treated ourselves to massages and I think I have a mini crush on my massuse! He's not that cute (very local looking), but there's something about him~~~ interesting.

Addicted to coffee

I'm stuck in a routine. Every morning my alarm rings at 8:05am, but I linger in bed till 8:45am, making it a must to rush in order to punch in before 9:30am. I turn on my computer, log onto to msn and head to McDonalds for their NT$39 breakfast. I like to switch it up a bit, you know, Sausage McMuffin on Monday, bagel on Tuesday, the weird ham/eggs/special sauce on Wednesday, etc. But I always take it with coffee. Cream & sugar? Make it 2 each.

I check my mail and read gossip columns while enjoying my calorie packed breakfast and fuck around some more before I do actual work. Of course there are times when the client will call and interupt 'my special time'(like just now), boo to that!Shoot, what did she say again? Eh, it's a good thing I wrote it down--somewhere. Whatever.

I've been shopping for a laptop for the longest time. I finally decided on one, called them to make sure they had'em in stock, sent in my info/credit card number and then wham bam, they're out of stock! WTF?!

On a different note, I've been noticing that a lot of the Taiwanese guys are assholes. They're majorly rude, disrepectful and full of'em themselves. It's just astonishing that they have girlfriends. Taiwanese girls, wtf are you thinking??

Note to self: never settle.

Tag, I'm it...

I've been tagged by Da Nai, aka Astri, to list 5 weird/random things about me. (like y'all didn't know already)

1. One of my biggest pet-peeve is waiting for people. In my own experiences I've come to realize that you must tell people dinner's at 6:30pm when its actually at 8pm. (it's called your freakin cell phone! it has the ability to tell time and to call people that you're running late--amazing huh?)

2. I got so obssessed with friendster when I first signed on that it was literally my life-line. I remember staying up late into the night, thinking to myself "just one more friend!". I'm glad I've gained the self-control now and friendster is just something I did in the past...

3. One of my favourite pasttime is going to a bookstore, plop on a comfy sofa and read as many gossip magazines my brain can handle.

4. My appetite and my brain are as one. When my brain tells me I'm full, I am full. When my brain tells me to eat, I will scrounge for food. When my brain tells me to shit, cuz I've eaten too much, I will shit. My brain is very smart. My brain looks out for numero-uno. I 'heart' my brain.

5. I aspire to travel to all the continents. (yes, even antartica--mmm, maybe not, living in alaska was close enough)

I have no clue in who reads this blog, so I can't really tag anyone. Damn you!!
Since Astri already tagged Josh (ha-ha!), I'm tagging EVERYONE else! Muahahahaha~

Joke of the month

THREE WOMEN - ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY - WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID. " I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM."

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE JAPANESE WOMEN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND. THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID, "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I'M GETTIN' A FAX."

lunch break

1. Do you like chinese food? It's in my blood

2. How big is your bed? twin (you may laugh)

3. Is your room clean? ha~

4. Laptop or Desktop computer? a dying laptop at home and a virus filled desktop at work (hope the IT guy doesn't read this)

5. Favorite comedian? too many to list

6. Do you smoke? Nope

7. Sleep with or without clothes on? clothes

8. Who sleeps with you every night? depends on the day--just kidding.

9. Do long distance relationships work? can't say

10. How many times have you been pulled over by the police? once--dumb ass cop thought I was drunk.

11. Pancakes or French Toast? pancakes!

12. Do you like coffee? i'm addicted to coffee

13. How do you like your eggs? well done

14. Do you believe in astrology? i'm in taiwan-- it's hard not to believe

15. Last person you talked to on the phone? assstrrrri

16. Last person on your missed call list? a.ho

17. What was the last text message you received? message from alice

18. Mcdonalds or Burger King? mickey d's, only cuz there's a special promo going on

19. Number of pillows? 3 on my tiny twin bed.

20. Pick a lyric, any lyric or song. baby got back

21. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? strawberry.

22. Can you play pool? i'm a wanna be hustla

23. Do you know how to swim? depends on the depth of the water--- ok, no, i don't know how to swim

24. Favorite ice cream? Haggen Daz, coffee!

25. Do you like maps? *nodding*

26. Tell me a random fact: i can drop it like its hot

27. Ever play spin the bottle? nope

28. Ever attend a theme party? yah, baby

29. What is your favorite season? spring

30. Favorite quote? carpe deim

31. Last time you laughed at something stupid? last nite

32. What time did you wake up this morning? officially at 8:45am... was late again. damn!

33. Best thing about winter? SNOW!

34. Last time a cop gave you a ticket? years ago...

35. Name of your first pet? travis

36. Do you think pirates are cool or overrated? argh...

37. What do you do on weekdays? work and cali fitness

38. What are you doing this weekend? me + couch + tv + reruns of friends + domino's pizza.

39. Are You desperate for anything right now? sleeP!

I need a laptop...

My beloved Sony Vaio is dying on me! Most of the buttons don't work, as it is taking me a great deal of time to type this shit out. Anyway, I thought I would update my faithful readers with recent tidbits of my exciting life in Taiwan.

1. Congrats to Janet, who just got a hosting gig for the Discovery channel in Taiwan!

2. Bon Voyagie to Alice, who is going back home to Chile for a month (girl, yo'mom is scary!)

3. I bought a heater for my cold ass room.

4. Had the most expensive dinner at a French restaurant, which was fine cuz my company picked up the tab.

5. My company pushed forward a new working schedule. We now start work at 9:30am instead of 10am. I'm sure y'all don't think 30mins is a big deal, but shit, waking up 45 mins earlier(morning traffic)is hell.

6. It's cold outside. It's cold inside. I'm cold.

I need more coffee...

I Live: in Taipei (upper East side!)

I Work: way to much

I Talk: like a fob

I Wish: for world peace

I Enjoy: being a lazy bum

I Look: like a fob

I Find: certain ad agencies to be over-rated

I Smell: my morning coffee

I Listen: when I want to

I Hide: when I see my boss coming

I pray: when I see a crazy taxi driver on the street

I Walk: everyday

I Write: shit like this =P

I See: Taiwanese people

I Sing: pretty bad

I Laugh: at stupid stuff

I Can: stuff 30+ grapes in my mouth

I Watch: too much Friends

I Learn: No matter how much you've 'trained' a rabbit, she'll still shit everywhere

I dream: of traveling the world

I Want: to spend a year in Europe

I Cry: when I chop onions

I Burn: when I'm sprinting on the treadmill

I Read: gossip magazines

I Love: being a beach bum

I Sometimes: wanna skip work so that I can sleep more

I Touch: everything

I Hurt: when I burn

I Fear: dying a virgin

I Hope: to sleep at 9pm tonite

I Break: for kit kats

I Eat: a lot of junk food

I Quit: NEVER!

I Breathe: air

I Drink: tea

I Save: crap

I Hug: my roomies

I Meditate: when I'm at work

I Play: too little

I Miss: Taco Bell

I hold: for no one

I Forgive: myself for being lazy

I Drive: a Kymco 50cc scooter!

I Have: a huge pimple on my right cheek

I Don't: like my huge pimple on my right cheek

I Made: doo 10 mins ago on the 13th floor restroom (I'm on the 15th fl)

I Kiss: random guys in the clubs

I Believe: in miracles

I Owe: Janet 215NT in bills

I Feel: sleepy

I Know: I should stop messin around and do actual work

I Wonder: if I'll make it out of Taiwan alive

California Fitness

I see this lady on the ab bench everytime I hit the gym. I'm only noticing her cuz she wears these Matrix like shades while working out. At first, I thought, I'm in Taiwan, it's probably those tinted shades-- i can live with that. But they're not. Then I thought, okay, she's probably blind. But she's not. So either she has fucked up eyes or she's just weird. Plus, she's a freakin maniac on the bench! I have the urge to tap her on the shoulder and tell her to slow the fuck down. But I'm afraid she'll pull a Matrix move and bust my ass.

Matrix Lady, you've won this time....

There's a section on the 3rd floor where it's women only. But I don't think the locals know what its for. I mean, I see women chatting away on the cell phone while doing sit ups on the ab benches, some are sleeping on the benches and some are just stretching in questionable positions. Don't they know they can do all that for free at home?

Clips

http://www.devilducky.com/media/9882/

Kinda fucked up, but funny.



http://www.devilducky.com/media/22773/

All I can say is "Daammnnnnn.."