Waiting...

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Let it be something amazing or shitty, some good will come of it. That's some optimistic words for someone that's in deep shit right now. [chuckle chuckle]

I made a leap into unfamiliar territory and so far, it's kicking my ass. I often feel lost and alone -- something that I haven't felt for a very long time. Sure, it's only been 2 weeks... 2 of the most stressful and frustrating weeks of my professional career. I now have chronic headaches, bad posture and zero appetite. I admit, I've thought about leaving and being 'happy' again. [Happy] -- at this moment, I've forgotten what it feels like.

Sure, I might sound overly dramatic, but if you were in my shoes right now, you would feel guilt, stress, frustration, even powerless. There's only one person that has confidence in me. She sees the potential that I don't think exists. She believes that I can overcome my insecurities and grow. That person is my new boss.

I've had numerous chats with her already about not adapting well into the new environment and the long road ahead. "It takes time. I know you're frustrated. You're giving yourself too much pressure. Remember, you're still new..." were her responses.

I'm not sure how long I can last [especially after today's screw up]. I do want to stay and fight the good fight [office politics], but I don't know how much longer my mind and body can take it.

[I want to believe... ]

Janet recommended a 'counselor' to go and talk to about my conflicts. I think it's a great idea. I'm going to try to book a session this weekend... [Waiting for that something good to happen....]